The introduction paragraph below was sent to me by a student in response to the following essay question.
Essay Question
With an increasing population communicating via the internet and text messaging, face to face communication will become a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree?
Student Introduction
Face to face communication is become less important than the past, since increase and populate communication by the internet and text messaging. In my opinion, I agree that face to face communication will suffer as some small, develop new technologies but it is fishy that it is cause the death of traditional communicate.
Feedback
The ideas and technique in this introduction are fine. However, the grammar and vocaulary make it difficult for the reader. Let’s go through each mistake before seeing the model.
- “Face to face communication is become less important than the past ….” There are two mistakes in this sentence. One mistake is with the grammar tense and one mistake is a missing preposition. Can you correct the errors? Answer
Face to face communication has become less important than in the past.
- …since increase and populate communication by the internet and text messaging. There is a problem with both vocabulary and grammar. Can you correct it? Answer
…since the popular increase in communication by internet and text messaging.
- … face to face communication will suffer as some small, develop new technologies… Can you correct the problems? Answer
…face to face communication will suffer due to the development of technology..
- …but it is fishy that it is cause the death of traditional communicate. There are a lot of errors with this part of the sentence due to the choice of vocabulary. How would you write it? Answer
but it is unlikely that it will result in the disappearance of direct, face to face communication .
Comments
- “It is fishy that …” this is an idiom which means it is suspicious. Firstly, the meaning is not right for the above sentence. Secondly, it is not academic. Many idioms are not academic and therefore many shouldn’t be used in IELTS writing task 2. Don’t confuse idioms with idiomatic language. The student should use “it is unlikely to …” or “it is doubtful that …”.
- “..cause the death of …” this is also an idiom which can be used in academic writing but the meaning is not appropriate for this essay.
- “traditional communication” the writer is trying to paraphrase the words “face to face communication”. Unfortunately, it can’t be paraphrased. Not all words can be paraphrased in English.
- Many students try to paraphrase all words because they think they will get a high score. Unfortunately, the result is a lot of errors. If you have frequent errors, you will get band score 5 or 5.5 in vocabulary. You must be very sure of your paraphrasing or you will end up with more and more mistakes which will reduce your band score.
Model Introduction
As a growing number of people are choosing to communicate through the use of modern technology, such as the internet and text messaging, some people think that face to face communication will eventually die out. In my opinion, although I agree that face to face communication will become increasingly less popular, it is unlikely to disappear completely and will still be favoured in certain situations.
It is often thought that in-person talks will eventually become history as increasing amount of individuals are preferring to connect online. In my view, this is unlikely to happen because technology is only designed to bring individuals closer rather than separating them and also technology cannot replace human bonding.
Hi Liz,
Hope you could spare some of your time checking my intro.
In today’s time, when most people prefer to communicate through technology, such as the internet and text messaging, face to face interaction will most likely be left in the past. While I agree that using technology in communicating is convenient and becoming more popular, many more still prefer interaction be done in person.
Ill be waiting, Liz.
Respectfully,
Mennie
The technique is fine, but you need to review complex grammar structures to avoid errors.
Thank you, Liz. So much
Hi Liz,
Could you please check this out for me:
Owing to technology, an increasing number of people have started using instant messaging or emails over the traditional face to face communication. In my opinion, even though the use of face to face communication might reduce over a period of time it can never be eliminated completely.
Face to face communication will become history, as more number of people are communicating through gizmos. In my opinion, I disagree that real communication will end one day. However, it will exist forever as it is required in many areas and provide psychological satisfaction which virtual communication fail to offer.
Hi Liz, your blog is very useful especially for writing tasks.
(Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion)
It is considered by some that it is better to serve various organisations while there are others who keep working for same corporation for the entire job period. In my opinion, I believe that having different work experiences shape the career of an individual while holding to same organisation is essential for public work programmes.
Can you please provide feedback on this introduction.
Hi mam your site is wonderful
Hi liz,
pls check my answer.
Face to face or seeing someone physically to communicate is gradually loosing it value.this is because ,there is an increase number of people communicating using the internet and text messages.
In my opinion, i think most people prefer communicating with internet and text message because its the fastest and less stressful way.
Hi Liz
Can I write words like “pros and cons ” in writing task 2?
Thanks for your lessons.
https://ieltsliz.com/liz-notice-2015-2016/
hi liz,
i unable to take more that 6 and 6.5 in acedamic writing and reading respectively …plz guide me how can i improve these two….plz check the introduction.
Now a days , people are preferring to communicate with each other via internet and text messaging,due to which face to face interaction between people is becoming outdated.In my opinion , i totally agree with this statement that because of these advancment in technologies people are not socializing face to face with each other, hence face to face communication is become an old fashion.
Please read my notice: https://ieltsliz.com/posting-writing/
You must understand that the problem might be your level of English. Make sure you are developing accurate understanding of vocabulary and its limitations.
Liz
Dear Teacher,
I write the following version, please give me feedback whether I have directly answerred the points ?
Thank you and best regards,
The growing number of people using mobile phone and internet to communicate with others has made face-to-face conversation become less important. In my opinion, I agree with the idea that modern communicating methods will be more preferable than the conventional approach, however, I do not think that making a direct conversation between people is going to be unneccessary.
Please read my notice about posting writing: https://ieltsliz.com/posting-writing/
Thanks
Liz